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We’ve been trying to add a second child to our family for 6 months now. This past month, I started temping, we had a ‘sex marathon’ during my fertile window, and I monitored my cm very closely. A few days before my period was due, I started getting really sick; rolling waves of nausea hit me. I went back and forth between having specific cravings for things and being extremely nauseous. I really thought that was it.
I was so excited. It felt just like the nausea I had when I was pregnant with my son. I was so sure I was pregnant that I almost told a mom friend about it. We aren’t even that close but I was so excited. I was at about 90% sure that this was the month for us. I took a test and I swear there was the faintest little line there. I was imagining how my 2.5 year old would adjust to a new sibling and I *almost* went out and got him a big brother shirt as a fun way to break the news to my husband. Then my son threw up twice that night. I still held on to hope but it turned out to just be the good ole stomach flu. My period started the day after that.
Since then, my head has been stuck in a dark cloud. I’ve barely been able to smile or think about anything else. My stomach has continued to be funky. My period was short and is almost over now but I just can’t seem to get excited and ready to try again this past cycle. I’m still so invested in what I thought was a pregnancy this past cycle.
I really don’t know how to feel better. It’s been 6 days of this now and it’s kind of ridiculous that I haven’t been able to snap out of it. I’m just so tired and I feel so foolish whenever I think back to what happened. My heart hurts like I lost a child which is crazy because I never had one to begin with. I really need to come around to feeling better but I don’t know how to do that. I thought blogging about it might help. This is my first time writing a blog post. I felt like maybe it was worth a shot.